I went to urban dictionary... get this...

starter wife:

A man's first wife that (usually) marries out of love and helps him achieve wealth, power, etc., but is then promptly discarded upon reaching said goal for a younger more attractive woman. Can sometimes result in the starter wife getting half.

As soon as he made his first million, Donald left his starter wife for a young Slavic model named Melania, which cost him half.

This is.. me.. i know it... Well at least ill get half.

Current Mood: annoyed

So I recently got in contact with one of my aunts who I had not heard of in hmmm... I would say about almost 2 years. Well for the week of the 24th my sister (Cristina) took two of her girls to Mexico with her and one had to stay behind. So I felt really bad and called my aunt up and said... hey since Patsy didn’t go to Mexico would she like to come over and visit us this weekend. She can sleep over and I will drop her off on Monday morning.
Well Patsy came over, and it was really nice to see her again, but what was most shocking was when I arrived to pick her up …I saw the conditions that she was living in and it upset me. First of all my aunt recently met a man who she decided to marry. When she was going to begin to introduce him to the family she made him sound like a great guy. She told us he was really rich and had moved from Miami. In Miami he was a practicing dr. So we were all happy for her. We even made fun of her in a loving way. Anyway as things started to progress, they got worse. We started to find out that this guy didn’t have any money, he was illegal, he wasn’t a dr. and he wasn’t from Miami. Anyway everyone started to think this guy was bad news but she didn’t want to hear it so this is why she disappeared. No one heard from her in about 2 years, and well I was fine with that. I did miss her a bit but hey we all take our own paths in life right. Well long story short she marries the guy even though no one likes him. I show up to pick my cousin up on that Wednesday afternoon and my first shock was my cousin. She was so skinny. Very skinny, it worried me because I have always known her to be a good eater. Then I took a look at my aunt and she looked the exact same way. I was in shock. Anyway I proceeded to go in to the house and there was nothing in the house. No fridge, no stove, no couch, no nothing. It was empty and it was cold in there. It confused me a lot, because well NO FRIDGE? Or Stove? What’s going on here? I have a child... only one and a husband and I know that they require food and a stove and a fridge is part of the basic needs. Now this was the first time I had seen my aunt in 2 years and when I got there she asked me to borrow $100 dollars. I felt bad saying no especially looking at her situation so I let her borrow the money against my good judgment. I had let her borrow money in the past and received none of it back, so I was looking at this money as gone. Anyhow when patsy arrived at the house I asked and if she was hungry and she said yes well … she was very hungry apparently cus she ate... hmmm let’s see… a plate of carne con chile with beans and tortillas, she ate one tamale, cereal, scrambled eggs with hotdogs, and hot wings. OMG this girl was starving, and I started to think for a girl that eats this well she should not be this skinny, first of all she has always eaten well and she has always been a good sized girl. Well it turns out that her sisters who were in Mexico have the same look. They are all extra skinny. So after a weekend of fun on Sunday morning we got ready for church. While at church Cynthia who is another child of my aunts who is an adult married and lives in Kansans called me up and was able to talk to my husband as I was gone at church. She spoke with kerwin and he told her that patsy was over the house and that she had been here all weekend. Cynthia wanted me to give her a call as soon as I got back from church and let her speak with patsy. So when I got back I let her speak with patsy. Patsy cried when she saw her sister over the web cam and the first thing Cynthia noticed was her face and how skinny it was. She was upset because I didn’t tell her patsy was over my house before. I told her you know what I really didn’t think of letting you know. It didn’t occur to me as I think that u keep in contact with your mom and she would have communicated something like this to you. Plus she is just over her cousin’s house I’m sure they don’t tell you everywhere they go. Well she was noticeably bothered by it witches kind of struck me as odd. Anyway in the conversation they started to talk about their father who divorced my aunt about 3 or 4 years ago. Patsy hadn’t talked or spoken to her father since the divorce. Cynthia found out that her 2 other sisters were in Mexico and she told patsy that she was going to tell their father so he can swing by and see them as he lives nearby. She also told patsy that her dad loved her and she cried a lot. Later that afternoon I dropped off patsy at her house, and I noticed that my aunt looked really irritated at the fact that patsy spoke to her sister in Kansas. I left and when I came home more drama. My ex uncle sent me an e-mail about how upset he is at this new guy that my aunt married. Cynthia sent me e-mails about how to please keep an eye on the girls for her and all this other crap. Well recently Cynthia writes me a latter about how none of it is true and we are spreading rumors. So I changed my number. Was I wrong?

I don’t want to hear about them I really don’t. You know how much stress it was to hear about everything that was going on with them at the time. I was stressed thinking about those girls and if they are ok and what not. I guess the new guy uses drugs and hit the girls before although according to Cynthia she never said that and it’s not true. So I’m fine with this. If you don’t need me around other than for borrowing money and stressing me out... I don’t want to be around. This is why I changed my number. I don’t want anything to do with them. See I try to keep my life as drama free as possible. I don’t like getting in to it with anyone and I especially don’t like it when people blame me or my relatives for spreading rumors. Cynthia blamed my little brother and my mother who has nothing to do with it. This is what hurt the most and this is what I want to steer away from. This is why I decided to stop all communication. I don’t want to be stressed by them. It is a sad situation as you can see the girls are living a rather difficult situation. The house, the food the step dad and their mom. But if they say all is gravy then let it be and leave me and mine alone. I have opted for writing out this aunt. I don’t want anything to do with her. I don’t want her in my life. It hurts but it would hurt more to see my family suffer because I kept communication with her. I lost sleep and money because of my communication with her and in the processes my relationship with my husband suffered a bit. I don’t think I’m wrong for not wanting anything to do with them. Not to mention how much it hurt to have my cousins say that it was me and my brothers spreading rumors when they knew what it was all about. When I changed the number I took a deep breath and moved on.
Sigh of relief.

its a simi rainy day today. Its dark outside with cloulds covering the sky. Its dark... but not enough rain.. i wish it would storm. I want to go home and sit on the couch as i watch my baby sleep and hear the Godfather playin on TV. I want to drink some Hot Chocolate with marshmellows melted inside. maybe add some wipped cream. With a blanket covering my feet. HMmmmm.. nice....

I’ve never felt so strongly about a cause as I do now… Ever since I watched that movie Blood Diamond I have felt differently about diamonds. I used to love them but couldn’t afford them, and I always thought to myself… when I get the money and I can afford it I will buy myself so many diamonds… and now I feel so bad… That movie really opened my eyes to what really comes out of those diamonds and the real price of your purchase. I have been goggling and researching this subject more and more on my own. The more I look in to it.. the more I realize that this not a problem that will go away soon. These people need help. Children are dying every day just because a couple of people out there want to show off their BLING BLING.. I have never felt so strongly about an issue. What I feel is almost a feeling that I cannot control. I want to see what I can do to help. There is no real way to track diamonds.. they can give you a certification that your diamond is not a Conflict Diamond but there is no real way of knowing. They are using these precious jewels to not only fund their war but they are also killing lives, raping women and enslaving individuals in the processes. So I beg you.. before you buy a diamond please do some research. Look at what these people are going through… research this. It’s a difficult subject but it’s not getting the attention it should. Diamonds should be boycotted. Kerwin wanted to upgrade my wedding band in 2 years for a bigger diamond… I told him NO! You know how bad I would feel having that diamond on finger. Who knows how many limbs were cut off in order to get that diamond to me. Who knows if a child lost a parent or a woman was raped for that diamond. I can’t stand this. I wish I had the power to fix this entire situation. I can assure you of this.. I will never buy a diamond for as long as this is going on. MSN has some pictures on the site right now in regards to the situation in the Congo. I guess the UN decided it was in the refugees best interest to send them soap instead of food.. IDIOTS… It’s so sad to look at the images of the sick children, and the reasons as to why they are dying are so dumb. The rebels are doing everything in their power to keep these people under their control to the point where they are keeping them from obtaining medicine. People are dying from disease as simple as diarrhea. Children are dying. This is so sad that sometimes we think we have it bad because we skipped lunch today or because all we had was a cup o’ noodle soup for dinner. These children wish they had half of what we have to eat every day. How horrible is it for a parent to watch their child die in their arms from diarrhea and feel completely powerless to help them. I can’t imagine. I can’t Wright anymore about the subject for now. I will have to come back to it. This affects me so much that I just can’t talk about for more than 15 minutes or I start to get depressed.

wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its on like DONKIE KONG!!!!....

Im actually excited for whats to come now.

Kerwin was suppose to get up early today to grap a news paper for the baby.

See kerwins perents have the newspaper from the day after Martin Luther King got shot. They have kept it as a keepsake ... to remind them of their history.. its a newspaper from Luisiana. Its so awsome looking at it because its almost like taking a step back in time.... you look at the prices its like 2 cents for a dozen eggs gas is like 5 cents the gallon and its just a odd experience to look at it...well they want to eventually one day .. hand this down to kerwin... for him to keep and to remind him of his African American History... As we know ... yesterday ... was also a profound and life changing moment for many african americans. So Kerwin wanted to pick up a newspaper to keep as a keepsake for our son. So that he can have a part of history and actually be able to hold it in his hands... well ....

THE DUMB ASS OVER SLEPT......

So i left the house about 15 mins earlier than usual.. thinking ill find a copy of the newspaper right... yeah no biggie.... WELL I WAS COMPLETLY WRONG!!... I went to AMPM.. SOLD OUT... then i went to CIRCLE K.... SOLD OUT... and the nice guy was like...."everyone is buying newspapers today...." and smiled at me... kinda telling me .. sorry but your SOL... So i drove to the Albertsons... again.. SOLD OUT... i Checked outside in the Newspaper vending Machines... SOLD OUT... by this time .. i got the hint... I wasnt going to find a newspaper... Crap.. what was I going to do...I drove to work... sad.. and somewhat disapointed and kerwin was too... because we had failed our son in providing him with just something small for him to keep to remind him of his history... I entered the parking lot.. and then it happended i remembered .. outside the coffee shop down stairs ... there is a newspaper vending machine.. but i thought there is no way i am going to get one .. its the only vending machine for miles ... and plus you know how many people are in that building already.. they are all gone.. but i thought .. well ill pass by anyway.. just take a look.. so I did.. and there it was WAITING FOR ME... its almost as if it had reserved it self for me... the very last Copy of the Los Angeles Times.... the only one ... in the 2 vending machines... the one that is stuck to the door... I took it.. and congratulated myself on a job well done.. way to go mom... good looking out!

I feel awsome.. im going to tell this story to my son when he gets older... i think its important for him to know how much i struggled... to get this newspaper.. i mean... cmon.. first black president ... piece of cake... Jim Crow Laws... thats nothing... Now finding the last Los Angeles Times news paper the day after the elections...that right there.. thats an....accomplishment....LOL.... Just Kidding...

Anyway .. got him a news paper...

Current Mood: excited

Its amazing how the little things change everything....

I spoke to my son on the phone this morning for the very first time. This time he didnt push it away.. or just breathed on it.. he actually carried on a conversation with me. Ofcourse.. i couldnt understand a word because it was all jibirish... but it was his little sweet voice speaking baby words to me. I said Hey baby... and he answer .. then i said what are you doing .. more jibirish.. I asked him what he was doing and if he ate and i told him i would see him this afternoon.. and that i loved him.. and he carried the conversation the whole way... AWSOME!!!.. I wouldnt trade it for the world... BEST FEALING EVER!!!! I Love that boy.

Current Mood: touched

I am so maddd!!!.... this is the third weeke in a row that i dont get to watch the 49rs play. I am really mad about this and its irritating me. I hope i get to see the game this weekend. Anyway.. i settled for watching the raiders play. It was a good game but it kinda sucked cus they were up the whole game until the very end when they completely lost it. My brother was really madd about this and Pete decided he would bring this up in a conversation and then after noticing Jrs take on the situation, he then perceeded to make fun of jr. for his team loosing. This was not a good idea as the Packers (pete's team) was playing the cowboys later that night. If you keep up with football, well you know that the packers got their asses handed to them by the cowboys. In turn this was not good for Pete as Jr. turned right around and brought the shit talking right back. Nice.. i love football season...

I also made some extreeme potato wedges. These were great... i toped them with cheese and some bacon bits. then I put a little bit of pico de gallo and sour cream and chives. I also made some bomb hotwings and nancy brought over some football cupcakes.. which my kid loved.

Kerwin keeps saying he will be a basket ball player but i really think he will do better at foot ball.. specially when i see how he runs away from me when he has something in his hand that he isnt suppose to have. He will run and dodge me like no other. I dont know how he does it. Maybe its becuase he is so tiny.

I think if i could pick a number 2 team to support i would probably go for the chargers. Oh and get this the dolphins actually beat the patriots. What?! No way.. i know what your thinking ... this must be a joke right.. (yeah thats what i thought) Nope wasnt a joke. Oh and i must say i really do like watching foot ball players play.. I have nothing better to do on my sunday afternoon but thats.. awsome i love those tight pants .. specially the way they look on Romo, Owens, gramatica, ... oh and oh so many more.. i just wish joe montana was playing.. i could see him run around in those all day... O'well...

Anyway.. gots to go for now..

Current Mood: devious

George Clooney is gorgeous.. he is the only man i will cheet on my husband with. And you know whats awsome.. I can do that because we duscussed it... George is the only person i can use my get out of jail free card with. Nice..

Any way.. i need to find a cake for kerwezy's graduation. He graduates in Dec. I want to find one that is made like a wrestling ring and it has a wresler in the middle, preferably booker T with a graduation hat on. I would love that.

Anyway.. laters.

This weekend was Crazy,

First things first,

Friday Night- Got home from work. Picked up the baby and kerwin and we went to eat at Jack in the crack, cashed a check that we recieved back from canceling the cruse. From there we headed out to deposite kerwins check and to Albertsons to pick up some juice and stuff. Then we dropped up the baby with my brother and met dave at the house. At around 930 we took off to mari's house for some drinks. we spent a good while overthere maybe about... hmm.. i cant remember all i know is that i got home at 2am. I drank a lot which was nice it really relaxed me. I hadnt drank like that in almost 2 years. Yeah it was 2 years last time i drank like that was at my bachlorette party. Crazy how time flys.

Anyway...

Saturday - Woke up early, complete with a hang over. Drove to AM PM and put gas in the car filled her up, bought a coffee and got a car wash. Headed out to my moms to pick up my baby and then we went to the walmart to get an oil change. I must admit letting me loose at walmart with money and nothing to do for an hour is dangerous. I racked up quite a bill at the end of my stay. But it was all stuff we needed so it doesnt really count. For example, sweat shirts and pants for the baby, i also got a candle for the house and some conditioner and some claning products, i also got a bracelette and some earings for my self for my grandparents annaversary party. After that i went to back home where my son proceeded to take a nap and give me the perfect opportunity to escape the house and get my nails done. I picked up niece and we were off getting our nails done. Came back home, made the kidd some lunch and kerwin got in the shower. I fixed our things and then gave baby a bath, took a shower got semi ready for the party and we were off.. all 5 of us. Kerwin, prince, sal, lety and my self. All the way to TJ for my grandpearents 50th annaversary party.

It was the most beautiful party i have ever been to .. we all had a great time and enjoyed ourselves so much. I danced until my feet were sore and it was so nice to see my uncles there with their children and all my family getting a long. We took so many pictures it was crazy. I have to put some up. this really was a very memorrable ocacion in my family. We all looked top of the line. My grandpearents started to cry when the Mariachi came in and they started singing the song called my beautiful wife that my grandpa sings to my grandma. this is how it go's



Like in our young years,
My heart yerns our young years of roses
And I am still in love with you,
My beatiful wife.

Our once black hear
is now dressed in white
Our children now live their beutiful young years
and I am still in love with your,
my beautiful wife.

May God save you for me eternally,
as he will seperate me from you but only in death
Love like this will never exist
My beautiful wife.

and it go's on to repeat the verses.. but this was the moment that my grandpearents started to cry. And my uncles and aunts all slowly started to walk up to the stange with them and give them each a hug and a kiss and they stayed up there singing the song to my grandmother and all of us grandchildren gathered around to hear them sing.

It was really a beautiful moment for my grandpearents. I think they were really proud of the family they had built. I will remember this day for ever.

Current Mood: melancholy

I havnt posted in a while. I feel bad because im not keeping up with this thing as much as i said i would. Life has been so crazy lately. Its like everything is changing and all you can do is stand still and watch it change. Have you ever felt like you wanted to stop the earth from spinning or just stop time? Thats how i feel. I just dont want things to change any more that they already are. I was happy where i was and now it seems as though things are falling apart and there is nothing i can do to put them back together.

Sometimes when im alone with my thoughts i think about everything that has happened in my life in the last 5 years and i cant believe things have changed so much.

My son is 1 now and on his way to talking. He is so cute and I love to watch him grow up but everyday that im not with him I feel as though im missing out on something special that i will never get back. I wish i were there with him to see him walk and hear him say his first words. I guess someone has to make some money in the family, right?

Kerwin had Cornia Transplant Surgery last week. It sucks.. he cant bend down to pick stuff up and he cant lift anything over 20 pounds. Which is our son. So we had to get a babysitter for Prince for a couple of weeks. He is doing good.. aside from bitting her on her boob.

Anyway.. in other news.. Kerwins dad was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer about 2 months ago. They have been doing the radiation treatments on him. He went in to the emergency room last week with a pain his stomach. It seems they found a mass in his intestant. They dont know what it is. Crossing fingers its all good.

Also .. about 2 months ago.. kerwins mom had a stroke. So much is happening at once. I just want stuff to slow down. I guess all this and my grandmothers death has just got me down. I dont know what to feel. I just thank god for the life he blesses me with everyday. At this point there is nothing i can do to better the situation. All i can do is watch as things develope and hope for the best.

I really need some time alone. I hope i get some this weekend. I need time to just think and relax. Just sit and paint my toe nails and not have to think about this and that.. and the bills and the baby and the washer and dinner... I just want some ME time... Is that selfish?

thats all for now.

Current Mood: depressed